


Let's Talk About Sex (The 5 Coming Outs of Nathan Wuornos sequel)

by Nocticola



Series: Demisexual Nathan [7]
Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Audrey Parker, Bisexual Duke Crocker, Colorado Kiss mentions, Demisexual Nathan Wuornos, Episode: s04e07 Lay Me Down, Established Relationship, F/M, Nebularomantic Nathan Wuornos, Season/Series 04, chapter 8 finally has sex!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-06-10 05:40:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15284892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nocticola/pseuds/Nocticola
Summary: Relationship related discussions between demi/nebula!Nathan and bi!Audrey.Set vaguely late s4, includes other characters and relationships accordingly.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The 5+ Coming Outs of Nathan Wuornos](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14805885) by [Nocticola](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nocticola/pseuds/Nocticola). 



> Late s4 AU timeline  
> (5+ COoNW at 124 hits; 4 kudos when started this one)

Audrey is doing some light reading on the bed, she's trying to get back into fluffy fiction now that she has a bit of free time again, and Nathan just watches her, leaning on his hand. Her face makes the cutest expressions when she reads. Soon though Audrey finds her bookmark, puts it between the pages and puts her book down. She cuddles closer to Nathan but doesn't make a move for anything else. 

It makes Nathan a little confused, and he decides to try to check the situation by kissing her shoulder gently. Audrey turns to him and smiles while making an appreciative sound. And then they are making out but there's just something that's a little off for Nathan. He breaks the kiss, and just looks at Audrey for a bit. 

Audrey smiles nervously and looks at him with curiosity. “What?” she finally asks. 

“Do we only have sex when I initiate?” 

“What?” Audrey repeats, utterly confused. 

“I think we might,” Nathan says and his feelings are a jumbled mess at that realization. 

“Um…I'm not sure. I guess that's possible. Is that an issue?” Audrey asks, and now she also sounds worried, among other things. 

Nathan sits up on the bed. His mind is racing. He probably shouldn't be so freaked out about this but he can't help it. He hasn't been in a proper relationship in years and with his recent personal realizations, being in one now with Audrey makes him probably extra sensitive. He doesn't want to screw this up. 

Nathan buries his face in his hands. They've been together for a while, and things have mostly gone great, despite the Troubles and what life is like in Haven. But Nathan has had these worries in the back of his head all this time. It's not like he's at all normal. He has his Trouble, and he's both ace and aro (he's done some research, and as possible autistic, nebularomantic makes sense with demisexuality for him), and sex has never been a particularly big priority for him in relationships. Many of them have actually ended because of that. He's really not sure what exactly about this night suddenly triggered this for him but no that the ideas are out there, he can't stop thinking about them. 

Nathan turns to look in Audrey's direction again but he can't quite look at her face yet, “Do we only have sex when I initiate because I'm ace? I know allo-ace relationships can run into these issues but--” 

“Wait, allo? Allo what?” Audrey asks with a different type of confusion in her voice. 

Now Nathan turns to fully look at Audrey again, “It's a term for non-ace or non-aro people. Allosexual and alloromantic. I'm looking a bit more into terms and stuff now. Did you know there are different flag? And some aces like to wear a black ring their right middle finger as a sign. I've been kinda thinking of doing that.” Nathan looks at his right hand as he says that last bit, and he sounds excited when he talks about all this. 

Audrey smiles at Nathan's enthusiasm, “Yeah, I have a bi flag. And I think a black ring sounds cool. You are really cute about all this pride stuff.” 

Nathan blushes and looks away from her, “We should get back to the subject.” He's calmed a bit with the slight topic change but he's still worried about this. 

Audrey takes hold of one of his hands, “Well, I think mutual pace is important in relationships. Since you have some… hangups I guess I thought it was better to follow your lead. I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do. And I haven't had issues with our sex life.” 

Nathan turns his hand so their fingers are interlaced, “You don't? I mean… I know I don't have as much experience, and I haven't done this in a while, not to mention my Trouble… I'm not sure if it's enough...” 

“Nathan…” Audrey sighs. “I love you. I'm happy with you. Where is this all coming from?” 

Nathan wishes he could say something more but for some reason he just can't right now. 

“Nathan, we've talked about your sex life before, why do you think I wouldn't talk with you if I had issues with ours?” 

Nathan lets out a breathy laugh, “Because this is different.” 

Audrey kisses their still entwined hands, “That's true. But I don't have issues with our relationship. Not really.” 

Nathan looks at her confused, “What does that means?” he asks calmly, which Audrey is glad about it. It was not meant to make him angry. 

“Look, Nathan. I love you and what we have but sometimes… it's a lot.” She needs to take a break to figure out how to explain herself. It is actually good to get this out there. She turns so that she and Nathan are properly face to face and she takes hold of both of his hands and squeezes them reassuringly. 

“When I distanced myself from you before the Hunter, it was to protect you. Because you can be so damn *intense*, and… part of the reason I broke up with Chris was because he needed my immunity to keep him in check. I couldn't be that for him. And I know that's my immunity is only a part of our relationships, and it's not the reason we're together but when I had a deadline… I didn't want to destroy you when I disappeared. Being the only person you can feel is exhilarating, and amazing, and intense and really fucking scary sometimes. So, to have you figure out that you're demi, that I'm the only person you experience sexual attraction towards, right now, maybe ever, that's… a lot. That's all a big responsibility. To be someone's only source of feeling and touch and some emotions… It's daunting. So maybe I have let you initiate, because I don't wanna overwhelm you, and it has kept me from being overwhelmed either. I'm not saying being with you comes with responsibilities or something, but it can be a lot, sometimes. But I like it.” 

“I didn't realize that,” Nathan says quietly. 

“And that's OK. I'm pretty new at this actual relationship stuff too. We really need to figure all this out together. OK?” 

“OK.” 

“So, trust me, when I tell you, that I love you and I want you and I'm happy with our relationship. But it's really good we talked about this. I feel better.” 

“Me too.” 

“Now, I think we were in the middle of something before all this talking?” Audrey asks seductively and Nathan laughs a little about it all. He shouldn't worry so much. 

“You're right, we were.” 

And they start to make out again, with neither of them having any intentions of stopping, another crisis averted.


	2. What's Your Number?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of the Colorado Kiss, Audrey/Julia and Nathan/Sarah.

"What's your number?" Audrey asks one morning as they are lying together in bed, Audrey on Nathan's chest. 

Nathan looks at her, confused. 

"Did you lose your phone again?" 

Audrey giggles a bit. Nathan is so cute sometimes. 

"You know what I mean," she says but when she looks at Nathan, his confusion has deepened. "Or I guess you don't. It means 'what's the number of people you've been with'." 

"Oh. Well, that's a bit of an unfair question. Although, simultaniously, a really boring one."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, unless I've missed something, which I might have, _you_ haven only been with me and Chris. And my list is kinda embarrasingly short, and you know about most of them." 

"Tell me anyway. I wanna know."

"OK. So, I was 16 when I had a summer job where I ended up attracting this girl called Nicole. She was an out of towner, and thought I was cute. We ended up making out once and dad caught us. It was so embarrasing. He gave me The Talk afterwards. I saw her a few more times but not after that summer."

"Were you attracted to her?"

Nathan falls silent, thinking about the question, "Probably not. But she was nice and liked me, so. I mean, with hindsight, I think I was already wondering if something was off with me but I could've done worse in my confusion." 

Nathan decides to not tell her about Carla Rose and the tacks. Maybe that's for another time. He's not sure whether that was a real crush, but it was painful either way. 

"And then you were with Hannah?" 

"Well, we only dated senior year, but yeah, she was next."

"Yeah. I know they aren't *my* memories, but I didn't really do relationships. Just too busy for anything more than hook ups and kinda friends with benefits. I didn't really think I missed much."

Nathan kisses the top of her hair. 

"Maybe you're a bit aromantic too." 

Audrey looks at Nathan, thoughtfully biting her lip. "Maybe." 

Nathan strokes her hair and they share a brief kiss. 

"You've mentioned something about college?" 

"Yeah, well, after Hannah broke my heart, I ended up dating this guy from California, Marcus. He was nice but we had some issues almost the whole time. Probably because of my whole demi thing. I liked him and I wanted to be with him but we never quite got it to work. We broke up before I went back to Haven for the summer after my first year." 

"That's a shame."

Nathan shrugs, "He was a year older and wasn't planning on staying in Maine anyway. It was better it ended when it did. Although I didn't date at all my sophmore year. Junior year, I met Kai, who's agender, through computer science and GSA meet ups. We had a lowkey relationship for a few months that never really went anywhere. But it was nice. That's it for me and college. After I came back to Haven, people kept setting me up on blind dates. That was awful. And then my Trouble came back, and you know the rest."

"So, you weren't attracted to any of them?" 

Nathan rubs at his forehead, "I don't know. I was so confused about so much and was just trying to make things work and make sense of them when I didn't even know what exactly was wrong. I'm only certain about you."

"And Sarah," Audrey adds.

"You wanna talk about her now?" Nathan's not angry this time, just kinda tired. 

Audrey sits up on the bed. This isn't a pillow talky moment anymore. Especially once she's finished. 

"I don't know. I don't know how attraction works for you, I don't know Sarah, I don't... I don't know how you ended up sleeping with her the day you met. You weren't like that with me." 

Nathan stares up at the ceiling as he speaks, "Not on the first day, no. But by the time I met Sarah ... I'm not saying it was all about my feelings for you. I don't know if that makes it better or worse but I... I did connect with Sarah, too. For who she was. I don't know if that makes sense but it happened."

Audrey laughs humorlessly, "Our lives really are something."

Nathan smiles dopely and puts his hand on her thigh, "I love our life." 

Audrey smiles back for a moment. She sighs and braces herself. 

"My list isn't just you and Chris." 

Now Nathan sits up too, folding his hands over his chest. Not touching her. "OK." 

Audrey looks down at her hands. "I kissed Julia a few times. And I kissed Duke in Colorado."

Nathan doesn't know what to say. He doesn't have reason to be jealous. He's currently sharing a bed with Audrey, it's clear she chose him. And like the Sarah issue shows, not to mention Jordan, the situation at the time of the Colorado trip was complicated between them. And Julia's gone too, so.

"Was it before or after you found out about James?" 

Audrey keeps staring at her hands as she speaks, she can't bear to see Nathan's face right now. "Before. June seemed to be gone mentally, and I was frustrated at having wasted all that time on something that went nowhere. And Duke was there, with me --" 

"Because you let him," Nathan whispers.

Audrey looks up and she can see the hurt on his face "It was only a few seconds and then I pulled away for the sake of our friendship. I didn't want him like I want you. I was trying to--"

"Protect me, I know."

Both of them fall silent, not sure how to continue.

"How about Julia?" Nathan asks. 

Audrey is a bit surprised at the semi-topic change. "Um, it was some mutual attraction. But it wasn't really the right time. But she was simple and mutually satisfactory." 

Nathan looks at her again, face full of confusion. 

"Neither one of us was looking for anything more with each other. She was trying to reconcile the new Duke with the one she knew and I... If we're being honest, maybe I was developing feelings for you already and trying not to deal with them. That probably sounds kinda bad. Making out to forget about guys. But she was also cute and it was fun." 

Nathan nods. It's his turn to stare at his hands as he talks. 

"I kinda hate myself but I'm glad you kissed Duke."

"Why?" Audrey asks very confused. 

"Because that means you properly chose me. You had a chance with him but you didn't fully take it because of me. That might make me a bit of a hypocrit and an asshole but it's how I feel." 

Audrey is not sure how to react. She hates the idea as being some type of prize between Nathan and Duke, but she doesn't know the full history between them. Doesn't know how many scars they've left on each other. 

But it has only really been Nathan for her. For Sarah. For Lucy, it was their son. They are connected. She takes a hold of Nathan's hands. 

"I've always loved you. I always will love you." Nathan looks at her, "I told you that when you were taking your time coming back from the dead. I meant it then, I mean it now. Maybe that's an asshole thought, but you're my asshole. I'm yours, and you're mine." 

"I *am* yours," Nathan tells her with that intensity in his voice that makes her want to cry. 

The discussion didn't necessarily go as well as it could have, but it's done and they are better for it. Audrey's glad to have it all out there. Nathan also feels better after the discussion.

They kiss again, this time with extra intenseness and soon they are making love. God bless lazy Sunday mornings.


	3. What it's like being Demi  (Duke & Nathan)

Duke and Nathan are drinking beers on the deck of the Cape Rouge, having their own boys' night to complement Audrey and Jennnifer's girls’ night at Audrey's place. The day is really beautiful, and it reminds Duke of that day they went fishing all those years ago. Hopefully this day has a better ending than that day did.

Nathan's been kinda restless all day. Duke must admit that he also misses Jennifer. Maybe they should crash the girls' night later. He’s not going to be the one to bring it up, though. 

It's a warm summer evening and the sun is still shining. The black stone ring gleams on Nathan's right middle finger as he takes another sip of his beer, smiling, calm. Duke knows what the ring means, Nathan explained it to him when he got it, but Duke still has a lot of questions Duke. Maybe Nathan is ready for those questions now. He is wearing a pride ring and all. 

"What's it like? Being demi?" Duke can't help but ask, leaning in closer on his Adirondack chair. There's still distance between them that makes his voice carry in the harbor. 

Between the questions Nathan's face first turned confused and then uncomfortable, and he gets up, looking around the seemingly empty harbor. Haven is surprisingly accepting about certain things but 'new' genders and sexualities are still frowned upon. This isn't a discussion they should have in public. Nathan walks down the steps into Duke's apartment and he follows. 

"What, you're going to show me?" Duke can't help but quip. If he claimed never to have been attracted to Nathan, he'd be lying. 

Nathan gives him an annoyed look and says grumpily, "You're not my type." 

Now Duke is confused, "Can you even *have* a type? You're pan and demi. That's like, 'all' and 'very specific people'." 

Nathan shakes his head and then shrugs, "Either way, you're not included." 

Duke shouldn't have started joking about this. But they've been drinking for hours and he just wants to know. "Never?" 

Now Nathan looks really annoyed, "I'd have to check my Guide to Demisexuality but I don't think the emotional bond includes 'bully' and 'pain in my ass for 30 years' categories." 

Duke really should have kept his mouth shut. 

Nathan continues, "Just because my fathers were different types of pieces of shit to me, doesn't mean I don't have some standards." 

"Sorry, Nate,” Duke genuinely is, but part of him can’t stop joking, “Can't blame a guy for trying." 

"Yeah, I can, because we're both in relationships. And I never liked that type of joking around, anyway." Nathan falls quiet before continuing, "Audrey told me she kissed you. In Colorado." 

Duke is surprised either one of them brought it up, Audrey earlier and Nathan now. "Fuck. Yeah, OK. I think I’m really sorry about this whole conversation. This whole thing is pretty ‘#bi people problems’. I'm just so used to pushing people's buttons, I don't know when to stop. Especially with you. But if you want to know, the kiss didn't seem to mean that much for Audrey and then we came back to find you dead and she confessed her love to your corpse. I admit it meant a bit more to me. But I'm with Jennifer. I’m happy with her. That's over." 

"I know. I just thought you should know I know." 

"And I really am sorry about our past, about how I’ve been towards you," it's all a too little too late, but there's really nothing else Duke can say. Nathan just shrugs again and finally they settle down again around Duke’s table. Nathan downs the rest of his beer and Duke gets him another one. 

"Some of that's been mutual. I'm sorry about that, too," Nathan says. Duke doesn't know how to take that, and just shrugs. 

After the earlier tension has dissipated a bit, Duke asks Nathan again "I was genuinely asking, what's it like to be demi? I really am curious." 

This time, Nathan outright bristles at the question, and it's not really unwarranted. And it's not just about the conversation they just had. Until very recently, Duke would have enjoyed making Nathan uncomfortable with explicit questions and comments. He probably even called him stuff like ‘prude’ and ‘picky’ when they were teenagers. Nathan was just always a bit odd when it came to this stuff, and it was funny, at the time. There are still many things he should really apologize to Nathan for, so many things he can’t take back. But all he really can do now, is try to show Nathan he's changed. 

Nathan’s closed his eyes, after the question, thinking. Trying to figure out how to actually explain it, probably. 

"Remember when during parties you all always ended up whining about not getting any, or not enough, or whatever? I never got that. At all." 

Duke can't help his confusion, "But you were with Hannah during senior year. How did that--?" 

Nathan shrugs again, "She liked me, I liked her. Probably not quite the same way, but it was close enough. She was my first, if you're curious, but that was... she never pressured me, or anything, not really, but it still felt more like something I should do rather than what I wanted to do. It's complicated. I cared about them but it wasn’t quite… right. It was basically the same thing with everyone after Hannah. Everyone until Audrey." Nathan's mouth curls in to a happy half smile when he says her name. 

"And it's not the touch. I could wake up tomorrow without feeling her or anything else ever again and I wouldn't care, if only she still wanted me." Nathan's expressions went from happiness to resolute and the transformation is fascinating. "I've done a lot of not very good things in my efforts to be normal, to not be a freak but none of it worked. Not before Audrey." 

'Freak'. That's definitely a word Duke has used about Nathan a lot. 

"So, it's only been Audrey?" Duke knows that’s the case, but he wants to clarification. Closure, maybe. 

"Yeah. I tried, after Hannah, there were people in college and then blind dates when I came back to Haven. But it never was right. And then, Jess was almost, and Jordan... Jordan was complicated, but I could never quite trust her, and I wasn't over Audrey. I don't think I ever will be." 

Duke chances it and puts his hand on Nathan's shoulder. Nathan lets it stay there and doesn’t shrug it off. For them, that’s progress. 

"Then it's a good thing you don't have to get over her. She's the same way about you." Duke remembers Audrey threatening Moira, and her efforts to be another person, Lexie, in order to keep him safe. They’ve always been the same way about each other. 

Nathan smiles again, slightly embarrassed. "Is it wrong that I kinda wanna text her to ask if we could crash her girls' night?" 

Duke laughs, "It's not really 'crashing' if you ask permission first. But I kinda want to do that too." 

It takes Nathan a moment to find his phone. His slightly drunk brain doesn't remember where he put it and he has to manually check every pocket until he finds it. Nathan's Trouble in everyday action. He sends the text but before Audrey replies Nathan talks to Duke again. 

"Thanks, for being my friend now." He gets up from his chair, slightly wobbly but he takes Duke into a bear hug. Duke hugs him back, slightly awkward, both because of the emotion and the position. He wonders if he should do a threesome (foursome?) joke but decides against it. 

"I'm glad we're friends too." 

Nathan pulls away when Audrey replies to his text and he smiles happily at whatever she said. He texts something back to her and tells Duke, 

"Let's go!" 

Duke thinks to himself 'Guess permission was granted', and follows Nathan as he gets off the Rouge, smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Audrey and Jennifer's girls' night.


	4. Audrey and Jennifer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ended up updating the previous chapter because it didn't flow that well on reread. There's some new dialogue and stuff.
> 
> I do also plan on writing more Audrey & Jennifer that is not just about their boyfriends. But here is some Audrey & Jennifer talking about their boyfriends for now.

Audrey and Jennifer have had a lot of fun having a girls’ night out. It’s one of the first Audrey’s been to, but she thinks they’ve done a good job with this one. They’ve certainly drunk a lot. Audrey’s really missed having women around. Being Lexie in the Bar(n) was weird, but at least she had Rhonda there. She still sometimes misses her. Jen is pretty fun, too, once they both got over the awkwardness. 

They’ve just about stopped giggling over something Audrey’s not even sure about anymore, laying together on Audrey’s couch when Jennifer leans over, her tone whispery and almost conspiratorial. 

"I’m really curious. What's it like being with an asexual guy? Do you have sex? Is it good?" 

Audrey’s glad she wasn’t taking a sip of her beer right then, "Those are some damn forward questions, Ms. Mason.” 

“I know. But ever since he told us and explained, I’ve wondered about it. Like, how does it work? And you know, this is the stuff people talk about during a girls’ night. I assume the guys are talking about the same things.” 

Audrey laughs. She can’t really imagine Nathan talking about their sex life with Duke in much detail. She’s not surprised if Nathan’s sexuality comes up, but his sex life with her? She can imagine the awkwardness. 

“Nathan’s not like that.” 

“Because he’s ace?” 

Audrey thinks about that a bit, “I’m sure that’s part of it. His Trouble, and how he was in high school, his and Duke’s history, all that affects what they’d talk about. “ 

“What *is* their history? Duke just said it’s ‘complicated’. I’m guessing there’s more to it than Duke’s semi-legal activities and Nathan being a cop?” 

“That’s part of it. But Duke was Nathan’s bully when they were kids and they didn’t get along for years afterwards. Partly a clash of personalities and professions. Some jealousy.” 

“Over you?” Jennifer asks, voice full of worry. 

Audrey measures her words carefully, “Some of it, yeah. Duke and I… he’s fun and charming and flirty and Nathan… isn’t, at first. He's more sarcastic and awkward.” 

“Did anything ever happen between you and Duke?” Jennifer interrupts, she’s clearly bothered by this. “I heard him calling your name in the Barn. Just because you’re in love with Nathan now doesn’t mean it’s that simple.” 

Audrey is slightly taken aback by the change in tone of their conversation, but it’s also understandable. “We kissed once. I was feeling… spontaneous, I guess is as good a word as any. But it was only a kiss.” Audrey bites her lip, “I was already completely in love with Nathan then, but I had to go to the Barn, so I had to… I just couldn’t be with him then. Nothing else has happened between me and Duke, and nothing else will happen. I’m happy with Nathan, and I think Duke’s happy with you. And I'm happy for him.” 

“Well, I’m glad I know,” Jennifer nods. 

The atmosphere has turned awkward again. Audrey’s not really sure how to change it back. 

“We could play Truth or Dare?” Audrey suddenly adds. She has popular real Audrey’s and Lexie’s memories of playing the game, but it’s one of those things she herself has never done. She still doesn’t have a Pez toy. 

Jennifer giggles, “Well, you never did answer my questions. If you pick truth I’m just gonna ask again. And if you pick dare, I’m gonna dare you to spill the beans. How is it, with Nathan?” 

Audrey laughs, “Well, if that’s how you wanna play it.” 

Audrey’s not really sure what to say. How much does she want to reveal, how much would Nathan be comfortable with Jennifer knowing? She’s still struggling with the answer when Jennifer adds, 

“OK, you know what, I like Nathan, and OK, I'm curious, but I’m also not sure exactly how much I really wanna know about his sex life. I guess, I just wonder, what it’s like?” 

Audrey smiles, “Being together with Nathan, it’s great. And, you know, he’s demi, so that’s kinda a different thing than being with a ‘full’ ace. It still has its own complications, and it requires a lot of communication because… stuff is just not the same for him, not quite, like it is for me or most people. And, him being attracted to *just* me is kinda hot but it’s also kinda intimidating, you know.” 

“And the sex? How is it?” Jennifer asks again, and now that Audrey’s on a roll talking about this, she doesn’t stop. 

“It’s… different, but pretty great. Overwhelming for both, sometimes, because he's so focused on me, but overall, pretty damn amazing. He tries differently than most people I remember or have been with. He also loves giving oral, and he’s good at it. Because of the taste and feeling not being totally necessarily, probably.” Talking about this is weird, in a good way and Audrey giggles again. She's also drunk.

Jennifer smirks, “Good for you.” 

Audrey laughs and it’s her turn to smirk when she turns to Jennifer and asks “So… how’s Duke? I’m only asking in the spirit of girls’ night, not because I have a desire to be with him,” she clarifies, slightly awkwardly. 

Jennifer smirks back, “He’s a world traveler who can charm the pants off anyone. He’s exactly as good as he thinks he is, which is slightly annoying. But also great. Don't tell him I said that, though.” 

Audrey and Jennifer both cackle at that. Then Audrey gets a text message and she has to struggle to get up from the couch to her phone. 

“It’s Nathan,” she smiles tenderly. 

Jennifer raises her eyebrow, “No offence, but your boyfriend's really clingy.” 

“You remember how you came to be in Haven? He has reason to be. Besides, on the clingliness scale, he has nothing on me,” Audrey confesses. 

Jennifer looks at her confused, “But you set this up? And I haven’t seen you texting him for him to interrupt his hanging out with Duke.” 

“Well, I set this up One) I wanted to get to know you better and Two) so Nathan doesn't realize *how* clingy I am. You have no idea how many times that man has had the audacity to go and die in front of me. You saw how he was when I came back. That was not out of character behavior. He has a habit of dying." 

“I guess I can get that. So, are you inviting them here?” 

“Do you want me to?” Audrey asks, uncertain. 

“I do kinda miss Duke. Is that bad?” 

“No, I miss Nathan too. I’ll tell him to come here in an hour. We have some more gossiping to do.” 

“That sounds fun!” Jennifer says with a voice Audrey can only describe as sassy. 

Audrey laughs, text Nathan, and they continue talking about Haven’s weirdness, foster care experiences, and their boyfriends. They have a fun night and decide to have another one like it soon, when Nathan and Duke arrive, and Duke takes Jennifer back to the Rouge while Nathan stays the night, once again. Life is good.


	5. Naked Vulnerability

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Audrey gets Nathan to feel everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Day 2 of Asexual Awareness Week 2018!

Over time with Audrey's support, Nathan has become more and more comfortable with his various identities. Audrey has been surprisingly cool and accepting of all the complications, of his ace-ness, aro-ness, autism, not to mention his Trouble. But that's to be expected, Audrey if anyone understands complicated identities. Literally. And she is also bi arospec, so it helps. They have stuff in common. They fit together well. 

But still, sometimes Nathan wonders, and worries. Not only does he lack experience, because his unexamined orientations and leftover effects of his Trouble had a great effect on his dating life, but sometimes he also lacks interest. Being sexually attracted to Audrey helps, and he does want her, all of her. And something about being in love with a woman with multiple versions really highlights how it's only truly about Audrey for him, about just how demi he is. And yet, sometimes he's just not interested in sex. 

He didn't really miss sex when his Trouble came back. It was almost a weird blessing, an excuse to not care about that stuff. Trying to be with Jess was odd and kinda confusing a lot of the time, everything developed so quickly. Having to worry about performance issues was frustrating when he didn't even really know how he felt about her. But sex is supposed to be a part of adult relationships, so he tried with Jess. It didn't work, but at least he tried. 

With Jordan, he felt like he was faking the whole time, trying to be the type of person someone like Jordan might be interested in, trying to hide his desperation and his disgust at himself. He cared about Jordan. Whether that was just because of how their Troubled functioned together, or guilt over using her, he doesn't really know, but he did. But they never got even close to having sex and that was on Jordan as much as it was on Nathan. 

With Audrey, Nathan doesn't feel that same type of pressure to have sex, and he's so glad of that. Being with Audrey is the first time he's really been with someone who understands him, who lets him be himself, flaws and messiness and all. He hopes he gives Audrey the same freedom, but sometimes he's not sure. And even though Audrey has never pressured Nathan about sex, sometimes Nathan feels… inadequate. He's attracted to Audrey, he wants her, loves her, he finally understands how relationships are supposed to be because of her. But sometimes he worries he's still not enough. 

*** 

Nathan watches a semi-sleeping Audrey and he wants to touch every inch of her skin. Partly because he can feel her but also because... he just does. He wants to know every physical inch of her, the same way he thinks he knows her mentally, not because of anything sexual but because of the intimacy. He wants to know everything about Audrey. Sometimes he wonders about the way he loves her, and how sometimes sex, touch plays no part in his feelings. But sex=love, right? That's what he's always been taught But he doesn't work like that. Sometimes sex doesn't matter to him at all. Yet he loves her so much. Aren't those supposed to go together, always? It doesn't with him.

And sometimes he wonders about other aspects of their relationship. The romantic part. How much has their relationship changes since they became a couple? Except for the sex, not much. Sure, there is a different type of intimacy involved now but they became a couple when they had sex. Is sex what keeps them from being platonic?

”If we weren't having sex, would this even be a romantic relationship?” Nathan asks one night when they are resting in each others' arms, post-coital. They don't do this every night. A lot of the time they are tired or one of them is not in the mood and it's fine. But Nathan thought a relationship took longer to become stale sexually. How long can he think to keep Audrey around? 

Audrey raises her head and looks at him with a quizzical look on her face, ”Why on Earth would you ask something like that?”

Nathan shrugs and he is probably blushing, he can't tell himself. But he can tell he is when he looks at Audrey's face, and her kind amused smile.

"What kind of silly thoughts are filling your head right now?" she asks concerned and stroking Nathan's hair, and Nathan tells her. He always tells her. 

"I just... I'm not sure I understand our relationship, sometimes. Is it a romantic relationship because we have sex? But I'm not sure we have enough sex for it to count." 

"Oh, Nathan," and Nathan thinks he can hear pity in her voice and he wants to hide his face under a pillow. 

"Our relationship is *our* relationship. It's romantic because this is what a romantic relationship between us looks like. Because this is what we want it to be. Right?" Audrey sounds very sure and it eases something within Nathan to hear her say that.

"I'm not saying it will happen but what if I just don't want sex at some point. Wouldn't you miss it?"

"Nathan, sex is nice. And I like our sex life. But I"m not with you for the sex. I'm with you because we love each other and you make me happy." 

Nathan can't hide his previous desire anymore, "I want to touch every inch of you."

"Nice," Audrey smirks. 

"But not sexually." 

Audrey looks quizzical again, "OK. I guess I get it." 

"Do you?" Nathan hates hearing the anxiety in his voice. 

"Well, not totally. I'm not ace so I don't get that aspect. And I want to touch you all over sexually. But considering your Trouble and your ace-ness... I get the desire." 

"It's not because I can feel you. It's... the intimacy. Knowing someone else's body completely. I like that idea. Of course feeling helps with that but it's not the main thing." 

Audrey looks at Nathan thoughtfully, "That does sound nice. I wanna do it."

"What?" Nathan looks confused. 

"I wanna learn your body. I want *you* to learn your body. I want to help you feel all of it." "I don't know..." 

"I want you to have that. I can give you that." 

"I..." sex is one thing, cuddling another but this? Letting Audrey just explore his body, feeling it all. Being naked and vulnerable. 

"Quid pro quo. You let me do this, then you can do it for me." 

"Why do you get to do it first?" 

"Because," Audrey says it with a smirk and all the love Nathan feels for her seems to flood him. 

"OK," Nathan says quietly and Audrey pulls the blanket away from them. She shivers for a moment from the cold (and maybe at sight of him?). Nathan doesn't feel cold but he does feel exposed. 

Audrey looks at him all over, from head to toe. Just takes in all that he is, and he does the same to her. She's so perfect, and Nathan's pretty sure that isn't just his deminess talking. How did he deserve her, he'll never know. 

Audrey starts with his hair again. She massages his scalp, threads her fingers through his hair. Nathan wanted to watch her do it, but it's too overwhelming and he closes his eyes and just concentrates on feeling.

Audrey's fingers touching every part of him, letting him feel himself. His scars, his tattoo, his skin. He feels all the aches he can usually ignore. With Audrey's help, because of Audrey he feels everything. Audrey helps him be himself, to connect with himself. That gift is more than he could ever ask for.

Audrey touches his face, his neck and nape, shoulders, chest, abs, his knees, back up to his elbows and inner arms. He turns and feels his back, his toes and his fingers.

The whole exploration happens in silence. Nathan turns on his back again. Finally, Audrey brings her touch back to Nathan's face and he can feel the tears. 

"I love you," he tells her as he takes hold of her face and kisses her.

Soon, he is busy doing his own exploration of Audrey's body but he was wrong, because it is sexual. His fingers, his lips and tongue learn Audrey's body, and it's what he wants, what he needs. Only with Audrey. Quid pro quo. That's why they work.

"I love you, too," Audrey tells him afterwards, and everything is as it should be.


	6. Kinks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathan and Audrey briefly discuss kinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's possibly it for this AU exploration of demi!Nathan. I might get inspired for more later but I've now written all the stuff I had plans for originally.
> 
> Didn't plan on updating this quite so quickly but then I got inspired to finish this.
> 
> (Again, Happy Asexual Awareness Week 2018!)

Audrey loves Nathan's hands. She loves holding them, loves the way they make her feel. They are also surprisingly nice looking, but maybe that's specifically because they are Nathan's hands. Tonight, she is holding one of them in her lap as they are watching a movie at Nathan's house, some random comedy with Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz that is on TV. 

It's really nice to have a night home like this. They get these very rarely and maybe they should do something more interesting than watching a movie but it's such a normal thing to do, and Audrey craves that sometimes. 

As they watch Cameron Diaz screw up her life, Audrey turns Nathan's hand in her own, and suddenly she remembers something. A bruise on Nathan's knuckles and his weird claim about dreaming about school. 

Audrey mutes the film and Nathan turns to watch her with a curiosity. 

”Nathan,” and then she falls silent because she's not quite sure what she's asking. ”When Carrie Benson's Trouble affected you, what did you dream about?” 

”Um...” Nathan looks like a deer in headlights. 

”You said it was about school, but what did that actually mean?” 

Nathan shrugs, ”Nothing. Just one of those 'I have a test I haven't studied for' things.” 

Audrey quirks her eyebrow, ”And the teacher hit your knuckles for that?” 

”I… I'd rather not talk about that.” 

”Why?” 

”Can't we just watch the movie?” Nathan is already turning back to the TV and he pulls his hand from hers, crosses them on his chest. Clearly something is bothering him. What exactly did he dream about? But Audrey decides to let it go. Nathan will talk when he's ready. 

Nathan doesn't really talk through the rest of the movie. When it ends, he picks up the empty popcorn bowl and disappears in to a bathroom. The mood for the whole evening has turned weird and Audrey decides to go get ready for bed in one of the other bathrooms. She's ready first and lies in bed, waiting for Nathan, wearing only her favorite gray t-shirt with cupcakes and coffee. 

She's close to falling asleep when Nathan appears by the door, in a t-shirt and boxers. 

”It was a sex dream,” Nathan says, staring at his sockless feet. He should be wearing them, the floors are really cold. 

Audrey sits up at the bed and rubs at her eyes a bit. She doesn't say anything, just waits for Nathan to continue. Nathan sighs and makes his way next to her on their bed. 

”It was a '*naked * at school, late for a test' dream, and you were the teacher.” 

”Was I the hot teacher?” Audrey asks in a jokey tone. 

”The hottest,” Nathan smirks, becoming more comfortable. ”But then again, you always are, to me.” 

Audrey smiles. It's always nice to hear that. 

”The test was on who do I love. You, Lexie, Sarah, all of you or none of you. Everything was still so messy then that I didn't answer and you hit me on the knuckles. And it… it was hot.” Nathan says the last bit quietly, embarrashed. He takes Audrey's hand and stares at it, ”I'm not... I don't think I… It was new. And then you spanked me with a paddle and I woke up hard.” 

Audrey takes a moment to think about it. It's not that weird for Nathan to get off to any feeling, because of his Trouble. And maybe some role play could be fun. Dr. Nathan Hansen was hot. 

”Is that… Is that something you want to explore?” Audrey asks, not wanting to scare Nathan. 

Nathan's face turns red, and he doesn't look at Audrey. ”I don't know.” Nathan pulls his hand away from hers and he looks like he wants to disappear. 

”It's OK to have kinks, Nathan. Even as an ace. And even if that was a dream you liked, doesn't mean we have to do anything like that if you aren't comfortable, or don't want to try it in the real world.” 

Now Nathan looks at her again, and Audrey hopes she looks encouraging. 

”You would actually… But isn't it...” Nathan shakes his head, pulls his knees to his chest and stares at the wall. ”Maybe later.” 

Audrey wants to touch Nathan, but she's not sure he wants that right then, so she doesn't, ”We can definitely discuss it, if you want at some point. I mean, I have a few fantasies I might like to explore too.” 

Nathan turns his head, and finally the Nathan from earlier in the evening is back, with a small smile and a slightly mischevious look in his eyes, ”Yeah?” 

”Totally.” 

”Mind sharing them with the class?” Nathan asks, and his tone goes low. Maybe Audrey likes the hot teacher thing too. 

”Maybe,” she says with a suggestive tone and Nathan pulls her into a kiss. 

These fantasies and kinks are definitely something they'll talk more about in the future. Right now it's just nice to them to be together and explore the love their share. They have time for everything now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About the movie, I thought they might watch something with Justin Timberlake because Audrey is an established fan and turns out Bad Teacher is from 2011, so kinda possible with Haven's timeline. I've watched that movie ones years ago, so don't hold me to it.


	7. Attraction discussion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Audrey experiences attraction to other people, Nathan doesn't

It's another surprisingly calm night in Haven and Nathan and Audrey are taking advantage of their down time. They are watching some Hallmark romantic comedy starring two pretty white people and while Audrey is frustrated by what the movie considers issues ("I'd like to see something more relatable, you know, like you have to disappear into a magical Barn in order to fix a town plagued by curses," Audrey complains. "I know a lot of people who have gone through that," Nathan quips. "Right?" Audrey smiles before she and Nathan share a laugh and go back to the movie), pretty people are pretty and her bi ass is happy. 

But she wonders what Nathan gets out of it. Sure he's panromantic, but it's not quite the same for him.

As the credits roll, Audrey decides to bring it up. "That movie was ridiculous. But the couple was hot, so I guess they deserved each other in the end." 

"I guess so," Nathan replies in a way that tells Audrey he knows there's a subtext he's missing.

"OK, I was just wondering the appeal of something like this to you. I can watch this stuff because I like looking at the people but I guess that's not quite the same for you?"

Nathan shrugs, "Well, finding people pretty is more aesthetic attraction. I still experience that to an extend. And I like romance. Sure this stuff is a bit hokey but sometimes it's fun to watch something simple with a happy ending."

"Sooo, you find people pretty but not sexy?"

"Except you." 

"Except me. Are you ever bothered that I do find other people sexy?"

Nathan lets out an awkward laugh, "I don't know what to say to that."

"Be honest," Audrey tells him quietly but encouragingly. 

Nathan takes a moment to think about it. "Maybe a little. I mean, I wonder, sometimes. I know attraction isn't everything and it's complicated, but it's not quite something I understand, looking at a stranger and going 'I'd like to have sex with them if I could', I just don't work like that. But I also know it doesn't mean you will have sex with someone else. People don't work like that, and I trust you." 

Nathan takes a hold of Audrey's hand and kisses it. "I don't understand your thing for Justin Timberlake but I accept it."

Audrey laughs and kisses Nathan. "Good. And I know you trust me. I trust you too."

"And that's why we work, even though we're kinda different."

"Yeah." 

"I think it's time for bed," Nathan says and picks up Audrey like she's nothing and Audrey giggles. They fall together on Nathan's bed and they kiss between giggles and Audrey feels so happy, and Nathan seems to share the sentiment. Sometimes life in Haven is really good.


	8. Morning Wood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A normal bodily function leads to much enjoyment to Nathan and Audrey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's finally some actual sex and not just talking about it in this fic, so I'm raising the rating into M. I'm not quite sure it's an E.

Nathan wakes up against Audrey’s similarly naked body, and he loves how it feels. One part of him especially loves it. He knows Audrey can feel it when she starts to turn in his arms, and he *definitely* feels it, because of her. He even likes feeling it, because of her. 

Waking up with an erection has mostly been an annoyance in Nathan’s life. As a teenager, it was embarrassing and awkward, and when he grew older the feelings didn’t change much. He hasn’t been in relationships a lot, certainly not ones where he spend the night, so he rarely had any use for morning wood, and once his Trouble was back it was even more annoying. A cold shower usually took care of the issue, but it still felt weird to not be in control of that part of his body. 

But on this morning, on a lazy Sunday they plan on spending driving around Maine, Nathan doesn’t mind the lack of control. And he knows of a lot better way to get rid of it than a cold shower. 

Nathan kisses Audrey’s shoulder, and Audrey leans back against him, slightly grinding on his erection. Nathan moans, turns her head back so he can properly kiss her. The rest of her body follows suit, soon she is lying almost on top of him, one hand in his hair, the other making its way, down, down, down on his body. Two can play that game, and Nathan’s hand makes its way between Audrey’s thighs, finding wetness there that makes him happier. He keeps kissing her though, and except for shared moans, neither one of them stops. 

When she finally makes contact, Nathan groans and Audrey grins. “Good morning to me,” she whispers against his lips, and Nathan laughs. 

”All for you. Only for you.” 

Audrey kisses him again, pushing him down on the bed before sitting up straight, pushing off the sheets so she can find her place. Nathan’s hands make their way to her waste, letting Audrey set the pace. This morning she wants it fast, and Nathan is happy to oblige. Audrey rubs some pre-cum against his tip and Nathan thrusts into her touch. His thumb moves to find her clit, he wants her wetter for proper lubrication. Audrey grunts, and he loves that sound, but she moves his hands back against her waste. She’s supposed to be in charge. 

And before he knows it, she’s down, on him, he’s inside her, she sits up with her hands against his torso, taking leverage and it’s almost best feeling in the world. What makes it better is seeing Audrey’s face, the joy, the completeness she feels when he’s inside her. The same way he feels. (As amazing as feeling her is, he knows he would trade feeling her for anything, as long as he still had this) 

Audrey starts moving, and once she’s found a rhythm, Nathan follows it, and when he knows she’s close, his thumb finds her clit again, and she doesn’t stop him this time, she moves into it, and Nathan pulls her face down towards him, kisses her, swallows the sounds she makes before something triggers his orgasm, there’re too many good things going on for him to figure out which it was, but a few more touches, a few more kisses, and Audrey comes too. 

They lay together, naked and sweaty, on their bed, there are not many things that are better than this. Nathan kisses every part of her body he can reach, trying to calm down his breathing, and he can feel Audrey doing the same. 

Audrey settles on Nathan’s stomach, her head laying on her arms, looking very happy and spent. “I lve waking up like this,” she whispers, laying a few random kisses on his body (on his scars). 

”Me too.” 

Nathan takes a moment to decide whether to share his thoughts with Audrey. They’re silly and embarrassing. But one of the reasons he loves Audrey is because he can tell her those things too. 

”You know, I used to hate waking up with an erection.” 

Audrey looks up at him again with a quirked brow and Nathan decides to continue before she makes any verbal comment about it. 

”I mean, being demi, even if I didn’t know it, they always felt so annoying and useless. I haven’t really had many people who could, I don’t know, ‘enjoy’ them, and then when my Trouble came back and I couldn’t even really do anything with them if I had wanted to. It was just something that happened and it was annoying. I didn’t really care about them. I guess I should have figured out I was ace earlier.” 

Audrey strokes Nathan’s cheek with her knuckles, making sounds against the stubble, and Nathan takes a hold of her hand to kiss them. 

Audrey smiles at his actions. “Well, now you do have someone who does care and appreciate them. I’m always willing to help you out,” Audrey says with a cheeky smile. 

Nathan grins, “And with you, I actually want that. It’s nice how things develop like that.” 

”It really is,” Audrey agrees and Nathan pulls her to him, and they exchange kisses between bursts of laughter. 

They spend another hour in bed before they get ready for a much longed for Sunday ride.


End file.
